Speculum et Lavacrum

Q&A: I am a Christian, Is it OK to Date or Marry a Non-Christian?

I thought I might share an email that I received through our ministry. It is a very sensitive email, so I will be deleting the name of the individual. I'm posting this, as I do believe this topic is very very important amongst the Christian body today, that being marriage.

Hey, I'm currently dating a jehovah's witness, and I love him SO so so much but he just left me because he's getting baptized [or thinking about it] and he cannot be with a non-witness his family says. His brother already left the faith but his family has not shunned him and love his brother to death still. I don't understand this at all... I am a Christian and I chose to accept him before this all started and he told me he accepted me. I really don't understand how there can be NO way around this. I want to be with him, I love him, I'll accept his religion and beliefs, I am prepared to give our future kid's the belief system he is involved in... I will do anything but NOT convert. Please tell me that there is some way to get him back, we both love each other more than anything and don't want it to be this way but he says he has no choice. I feel as though a hole has been ripped through my chest bigger than the universe I stand on. I really would like to hope there's an answer out there other than a no. PLEASE help. I don't honestly believe God would turn someone away just because they choose to be with someone who is not a witness. God accepts everyone.
(name deleted)

(My response)

Greetings (name deleted),

I'm not quite sure where to start. You're obviously going through something that is very hard for you. But I am having a hard time knowing how to go about answering you. I've been thinking about your email all day. I am going to spend the next day or two thinking harder on this, so that I may answer you properly yet with love. I think I'm going to just have to be very straight forward with you and pray that you consider what I have to say. You don't know me, and email doesn't exactly help so that you can truly hear the concern that I have in my tone. So, please understand that I really do care for you. Take what I have to say and compare it with Scripture.

I'm going to start out with the principal Scripture, 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” It is not God's will for you to be bound together (married or dating) with an unbeliever. Your boyfriend believes in a false God, false Gospel, and a false Christ. Unless your boyfriend repents and turns to the true Christ, he will be eternally damned.

You are willing to turn over your children to a false god just so that you can be with this guy? This is not love (name deleted), this is selfishness and idolatry, and plainly evil. Your love for Christ must be your priority and goal. If He was, you would be more concerned for His desire for your life then your own. Why? Because we as Christians recognize that Christ has purchased us with His blood upon Calvary. We are not our own, we belong to him, and we are to be continually renewing our minds to conform to His Word. Whole countries, civilizations, were destroyed by God in the Bible for their sacrificing of their children to false gods. We are to lead our children, and raise them in the fear and admonition of the one true holy Triune God. To not do so, is to betray fatherhood and motherhood. How can you and your husband lead your children in worship, united in faith, if you obviously don't worship the same God? How can you pray with them? How can you give them Godly council?

Marriage is for the purpose of sanctification, God uses marriage to principally conform us into the image of His own Son, a growing in holiness, a growing in unconditional love for each other. To be united and yet different. Christ does not bind himself with evil. God regenerates the individual, makes him alive to Christ. Then imputes Christ's own righteousness into the individual, making him pure in His sight. This is how we can be, as the Reformers taught, "Simul Justus et Peccator", “Righteous and at the same time a sinner.” For the Father sees Christ in us. Our relationship in marriage is to reflect our relationship with God. Your love and respect for your husband, must flow out of a right relationship with Christ. But how can you do this if you are willfully disobeying his command?

Of course you feel as though a hole has been ripped in you... your idol has been ripped from you. Since your life hasn't been rooted in Christ, the one who will never leave you nor forsake you. You have rooted your life in something that is passing and will pass away. You need to examine your life and repent, turn from your sin and look to Christ, and his payment for sin. These are the consequences of not heeding Scripture. (name deleted), God does not except everyone. This is very plain in Scripture. Place your whole trust in Jesus not an unregenerate man. Please do not take this letter to be a personal attack. That is not my desire. I truly do care. I feel absolutely horrible for your situation. But I cannot but stand on Scripture, I have nothing else. If you have any more questions please ask.
Mark II

(Further Correspondence)

Welll [sic], first of all I really appreciate your response. I DO love him, just the fact that I would give up what I believe for a guy DOES show that I love someone. Anyway, I guess I feel bad now because all you typed was for nothing. Turns out that it was a false reason and he actually broke up with me because he left me for my friend and used his religion as a cop out. Anyway, sorry for wasting your time. But thank you very much for your response.

(My response)

Hey Name Deleted, thanks for the update. I'm sorry that you're going through so much. My previous email was not questioning whether you loved him or not. I do not doubt that you love him. That is not the issue. The fact that you'd be willing to give up what you believe, just merely demonstrates that you do not truly believe it to be true. If Christ is not your all, then he is nothing. Jesus said, "you are either for me or against me". My question to you is, are you for Him? 1 John 2:19 says, "They went out from us, but they were not really of us; for if they had been of us, they would have remained with us; but they went out, so that it would be shown that they all are not of us." If you were to leave Christ for a man, this would demonstrate this verse, specifically that you are not a true Christian, but a false professor. So you need to take your life into account and to make sure that you are truly in the faith. I am really concerned for your spirit (name deleted). Your eternal life or damnation isn't something to be played with for just a mere boyfriend. Repent of your idolatry. You have turned to another god, you have turned to serve the creature instead of the Creature. That may be love for this man, but it is an evil love, since it is not a love that is in subjection to Christ. I hope you seriously think about what I am saying. Dig into the Word of God and either submit to it or leave it. Do not play with it as if you could pick and choose which parts. I will be praying for you.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Mark II